A Royal Decree.
Damian King is a brave man.
He’s charged Chopes, had mental sessions out Luna Park in the mid 00’s, the Champion of the heaviest contest of all time at the 2001 Shark Island Challenge, dominated maxing Pipe.
The man has balls.
And said balls were on display this past weekend when he stood on stage in front of a hundred plus other Bodyboarders who had just competed in an epic Port Macquarie teams challenge.
By all accounts it was an amazing weekend that exemplified the spirit of grassroots bodyboarding that is alive and well in Australia.
Port mac town was buzzing pre-comp with long weekend markets, street art, even a 6 piece orchestra playing in a carpark on the Friday night.
3 foot clean, fun waves blessed the comp every day at Breakwall with left and right split peaks making for neutral conditions for competitors. Everybody’s favourite Billy Idol wannabe Tezza mckenna was on the mic. Jesse Landrigan had the wave of the comp for a big inny, the women of the waves girls stuck it to the patriarchy with Aleisha Gallagher hucking some legit heavy rolls and Kayla Pisani taking out Jimmy Leary in her heat at the end of day 2.
After all the foam had cleared the results rolled in, and perhaps a little predictably 1st went to the local Pmac lads, 2nd to fckn Newy and 3rd to the little club that could in Port Stephens District boogers.
Which brings us back to Kingy’s big balls.
After a humble acceptance speech by Port Mac team captain Shayden Shrader, The King takes to the mike to say a few words.
“I hate to say it, but we’re in a dying sport” he declares to a shocked presentation hall full to the brim of stoked boogers who’ve just had a hell time partying and competing together over three days.
He does redeem himself by finishing his quick speech with a rousing with “Pardon my french, but suck shit Newy cunts” which everyone wholeheartedly agrees with, except the Newy cunts of course.
Like any good journalistic organisation with fair to middling levels of professionalism, we reached out to the King himself, who had this clarification of what he meant to say:
“It was more about how it feels like we are a dying breed but these events bring us all together and it makes us realise how good a crew we actually have, that’s the way it was intended. It was more in the context of we are only a small crew but I couldn’t think of a better bunch to be around. I don’t want it coming off like I’m writing off bodyboarding, because I was going for the opposite sentiment”
Still, never let a misquoted and out of context quote get in the way of sparking a little banter, so we ask;
Bodyboarding, is it dying?
Are the record board sales during the Covid period, Drag inspired Stand up crossovers, burgeoning world tour events and the rise of the South American boogin’ infatuated masses enough to save us?
Or are we destined to become an index fossil in the layers of the surfing sediment?
Much to cyberyell about….