Booger Bouts Deathmatch: Rocky vs The King.
Ding, ding, ding!
The life of a former Pro bodyboarder can be tough at times.
For many, the years of swaning around the globe on sponsors coin, surfing the world’s best waves, seeing incredible sights and enjoying good times now seem like poor life choices.
“If only I’d gone to University straight out of school and secured a moderately useful degree, I could be enjoying an established career, suburban home, size 40 waisted pants, a moderate problem with alcohol and once a fortnight passable sex right now” they lament.
Instead they’re playing mid-life catch up, in a late stage capitalist economy.
It seems that many former Pro’s are seeking out what the Mr Monopoly type’s like to call ” alternative revenue streams”.
Found boards CEO Mitch Rawlins just last week debuted his ” Future Waves” experience based surf venture.
For the bargain price of $1200 you and fifty one others get a new Found board of your choosing, 8 hours of “Beastmode” waves at Melbourne’s URBNsurf, tutelage from Rawlins, Stone, Kirkman and Harley Ward, all under the glaze of master lensmen Phil Gallagher and Videographer supreme Todd Barnes.
Best of all you don’t have to wear a pesky Rip Curl rashie if you don’t want to support a multinational corporation with zero participation in bodyboarding.
Sounds like a sweet little money spinner right?
However, whist spruiking the above venture on Instagram live, the real cash cow for those in the post- professional phase of their lives may have been revealed.
It started innocuously enough, just a little bit of innocent shit talking.
“I’m doing a poo” declared 2011 World Dropknee champion Damian King, chiming in on the live chat.
As talk turned to Kingy’s accomplishments in the sport, host Josh Kirkman revealing the King’s self professed proficiency as a pugalist before asking Rawlins, a hand thrower in training himself, if he thought the Port Mac mayor would stand any kind of chance against him in the ring.
” No” Mitch replied confidently.
“He’d drop. One straight to the body”
” I’d just want to see him keel over” Mitch continued, with more than a little killer twinkle in his eye.
And so the idea of ” Booger Bouts” is born!
First up; Mitch” Rocky” Rawlins vs Damian ” The King” King going toe to toe in the ring.
Already deep in training, Rocky also has Commonwealth games gold medallist Henry Garside in his corner, so he would go into the bout as the favourite.
Still only a fool would discount the scrapper who willed himself from the wrong side of tracks in P-mac to three world titles that is one D-King.
With his longer reach and UFC fighter looking shaved head “The King” King would make the Gold Coast golden haired boy work for every round.
Rumours are also circulating the winner of the bout would have to take on Kainoa ” The Murderer” McGee to see who will be crowned the heavy weight champion of the boogieverse.
If the pair were able to secure an agreement to host a pay-per-view match through the Found boards website, with prize money being provided by McGrath Estate agents, this alternative revenue stream could provide a sweet little fiancial windfall to both parties.
But why stop at boxing we say?
Jeff “The flying squirrel” Hubboards could take on Chris ” Wing Chun” White in a prison rules wrestling cage match.
Tamega vs Reale vs Vargas taking on the Hawaiian Iron Man course in a triathlon race, except they’re required to complete the whole event wearing flippers. Advantage in the swim leg, not so much the run.
Matt Lackey vs Garth McGregor vs Chad Jackson in a good ol’ fashion lumberjack woodchopping competition.
Stewart vs Winchester to see who can grow the largest all organic pumpkin!
More as more booger bouts are announced.