Has Bodyboarding Reached The Limits Of Its Physics?

Has Bodyboarding Reached The Limits Of Its Physics?

By Dan Dobbin.

Well I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that didn’t hurt……

Sorry, thats the beginning of a Johhny Cash / Kris Kristofferson jingle.

I woke up Sunday morning to a roaring southerly breeze, the news that the free world once again has an ol’ white guy in charge, and that the other ol’ white guy who used to do the job is a sooky cunt.

Is there anything worse than a sooky cunt?

Surf report read “Choppy 3-4ft surf at south facing beaches, bumpy with fresh southerly winds. Only small at protected corners today. Keep your expectations low”.

Roger. Stay in bed.

As an automaton just like you, the next step is cracking the socials to see what’s shaking.

Apparently it’s International bodyboarding day, which sounds like a made up thing. But I’m pretty sure every day of celebration is a made up thing too. Make shit up and if enough people buy into it, it becomes a new reality.

Post-moderism, remember?

The E-merican crew have been back to Waco I see. Or it’s the same trip that was featured with accompanying story here two weeks ago. Only Jeff Hubb seems to have magically appear in the new footage. Photoshop? Clever editing? Like fake Melania, do we have a fake Hubb? He is wearing a hood in all the footage…. 


Anyway, I watch the clip because the BSR ranch always looks as fun as fuck and Craig Whetter and Mack Crilley and Matt Meyer and Julien Durand are team Infoamed.

Remember you can just say shit and it can become a new reality.

Craig and Mack and Matt and Julien are team Infoamed. Also, we claim Tanner as well.

Despite not claiming enough electoral colleges or winning the popular vote I actually won the presidency.

Conservative governments around the world who rely on the perception that they are excellent at managing economies and create jobs are actually part of a global conspiracy to  destroy capitalism while  simultaneously pulling of the biggest capitalist scam ever by making a billionaire even richer through mandatory vaccines and big Pharma. Also 5G something, something….

See? Say stuff, people believe it, new realities.

But watching the BSR footage for the second time around, I was struck by another reality.

Namely, bodyboarding may have reach the limits of its physics.

See, the thing with physics is, it doesn’t care what we think is reality.

It, in the very realest sense, defines it.

Believe you have the ability to fly? Physics will dissuade you of that reality pretty quickly.

Think you can lift something really heavy. No going to happen.

Run at incredible speeds. Nope.

You’re limited by the ironclad laws of physics.

Watching the crew go ham on a wave custom made for launching and experimentation produced some incredible bodyboarding, but it also seemed to expose a troubling truth.

Namely, outside of Tanner’s huge Gainer flip at the 7 minute mark, nothing new, lots of old.

Watch the edit and walk yourself backwards in time through the moves and rotations.

The invert to reverse. Dally Singer and Hubb 2005ish.

720’s. Hubb and D-Phil. Early 2000’s.

Loops. Fred Booth, Joel Taylor mid to late 90’s.

A.R.S’s and backflips. Eppo, Al Taylor, Jacob Reeves and Scott Mason. Early 90’s.

Inverts. Kavan Okumura and Stewy around the same time.

Air revs and forwards. Stewy and the gang again. The 80’s.

Now this isn’t a knock on the guys doing the surfing, the level of skill and technically has never been higher.

However, if we have some of the world’s foremost riders in a controlled environment with waves custom designed for airs and they’re still only able to recreate maneuvers from decades past, then should not the conclusion be drawn; in terms of the air rotations possible, bodyboarding has reached the limits that its physics allow.

Anyone want to have a go at shattering my new reality?

Any undiscovered rotations you can perceive?

Anyone want to pay for a trip for me to BSR so I can do some scientific testing?

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